The Gift of Your Presence
by Guest Coach Lisa Lauffer, CPCC
Lisa Lauffer, CPCC, received her life coach training
and certification through the Coaches Training
Institute. She’s a member of the International
Coaches Federation. She has traveled across the
United States delivering motivational messages to
adolescent and adult audiences through speech,
music, and drama. As well, she has contributed her
writing, both fiction and non-fiction, to more than
fifty print and online publications. She’s married to
Karl and has two children. You can reach her at
deepwaterscc@comcast.net.
Imagine you’re standing in a store line going out the
door, leaning against a shopping cart full of holiday
gifts ready for purchase. In front of you stands a
woman checking her watch, tapping her foot, and
leaning her head from side to side to see the line’s
progress. She’s scowling, criticizing the cashier, and
complaining that the line isn’t moving.
Check in with yourself right now. As you envision
being near this woman, how do you feel? What
emotions do you experience? How is your body
responding? Check in with your heart rate, breathing,
and muscles.
Now return to your imagination. You’re still in line,
but turn your attention to the person behind you. He
has a smile on his face. Like the first customer, he
assesses the length of the line, but instead of
cursing the cashier, he breathes deeply then drinks in
the holiday décor, settling into his space with his
whole body.
How do you feel now? Check in with your emotions
and body as you did after the first scenario. What
are you experiencing?
These two scenarios illustrate the power one
person’s presence can have on another. Your
reactions to these people result from the impact of
who they are being in the moment. As you read
about the lady, you may have become revved up,
absorbing the woman’s stress and allowing it to spark
to your own. Conversely, the man’s presence may
have invited you into your own calm and peaceful
place.
We all possess the power to change the atmosphere
around us. Instead of absorbing others’ stress, we
can experience fresh air and impart it to others. This
doesn’t require adding activities or responsibilities to
our to-do lists. All we have to do is choose how we’ll
show up in a situation.
How do we do this? First of all, tune into the
opportunity. When the environment becomes
charged, notice it. When you observe the harried
look on a fellow customer’s face or hear the
argument between relatives beginning, say to
yourself “Here’s a situation I can impact through my
presence.”
Once you’ve tuned into the opportunity,
breathe.
Breathing deeply so that we expand our abdomenal
muscles can refresh us and readjust our outlook. Try
it right now. What happens to your thoughts,
feelings, and body as a result of breathing deeply? I
often feel more relaxed physically and emotionally,
and empowered to choose my responses to
situations.
Then choose your presence. Think of this in
advance. When the turkey has burned or the kids are
playing tug-of-war over their brand-new Christmas
toys, who do you want to be? How will you exude
that presence? It may mean relaxing your posture or
tweaking an attitude.
Note: this isn’t about being someone you’re
not. This
is about bringing your most authentic self to the
party for the benefit of all.
To make this happen, set yourself up for
success.
Adjust your environment to remind you of your
intentions. For example, wear your watch on your
other wrist, or jettison it altogether (see how that
reduces your stress level!). Experiment with ideas to
see which ones work for you.
You can also set yourself up for success by
recruiting an accountability partner. Find someone
who wants to positively impact others by his
presence, and agree to hold each other accountable.
Check in every few days via phone or e-mail to
celebrate your victories and to brainstorm strategies
for handling the rough patches.
We all impact others—friends, relatives, and
strangers alike—by virtue of who we are being in the
moment. What a gift we can give when we
proactively choose to be an oasis of calm in a desert
of stress. When we learn the power of our presence,
we can give this gift—to others and to ourselves—at
the holidays and throughout the year.
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